According to a recent survey from Cleveland Clinic, more than a third of people say that they often go a full day without speaking to anyone in real life or by phone (37%)—particularly those under the age of 35 (45%), those in the lower-income bracket (47%), and those who are not married (46%). Two in five say that the pandemic has had a negative impact on their relationships with family and/or friends (40%). While in a lot of ways these numbers make sense, they’re still tough to swallow—and many of us are itching to reconnect with our friends now that it looks like there’s an end to the pandemic in sight.
Why so many of are feeling disconnected
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of the upcoming book Date Smart, says that many people are currently feeling disconnected given that the pandemic has yet to fully resolve. “As some Americans are either unable or unwilling to be vaccinated, the lack of in-person contact so prevalent during the pandemic is likely to continue for some time,” she explains. “Given that those under 35 are less likely to have family obligations (like children), that often require more in-person interactions, this age group is more likely have less real-life or phone contact than those in older age groups.” As for those in lower-income brackets, they may experience fewer in-person and phone interactions due to the job so many blue-collar workers faced. Those in lower-income brackets are also less likely to have access to good mental healthcare, and as a result, they may suffer from untreated depression and anxiety that leads to more reclusive behaviors. Those who are unmarried may certainly experience fewer in-person and phone conversations due to the fact that a partner is not present on a daily basis. Those who are married generally have more in-person contact given the nature of their living situations as well as the family and extended family that often are part of the marriage relationship. Many people have experienced significant negative effects as a result of the pandemic, and the recovery may not be as quick or as full as we’d like. Dr. Gail Saltz, MD, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, adds that a year (plus) of social distancing has led to significant isolation. “Inertia and difficulty letting go of anxieties related to being physically together have made it difficult for people who could safely get together to do so.” Another big factor is that rates of depression and anxiety have risen to unprecedented levels. Depression is up at least 41% this year, and a prominent symptom of depression is social withdrawal and isolation. People who are depressed don’t feel like engaging with others, which is problematic because social support is exactly what they need. Groups hardest hit by the depression, with the least access to treatment are those in a lower income bracket, and younger people have been particularly affected by depression and anxiety.
How to reconnect with friends after COVID
Here are some of the top ways to reconnect with friends you may have lost touch with now that the pandemic is coming to an end.
Reach out directly and be blunt
Say, “Hi! I feel unhappy that we haven’t spoken recently, I really want to reconnect and see you! Can we….?” You can suggest go for a walk, get coffee, something if possible in person, to both make an effort and to have the more intimate experience that in-person brings, Dr. Saltz says.
Know your personal preferences regarding COVID guidelines
As you prepare to reconnect with friends after COVID, know your needs and preferences regarding issues such as mask-wearing, vaccination issues, and touching (e.g., hugs), Dr. Manly explains. By stating your personal preferences up front, discussions and plans with friends about social events are generally much more fluid.
Breakthrough the barriers that prevent you from accessing support
Many of us do not reach out for the support we need and deserve due to busyness, fear of rejection, shame, pride, learned helplessness, or low self-esteem, Joyce Marter, LCPC, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life, says. We must practice self-compassion, or the understanding that social isolation is a normal result of the pandemic and not our fault and doesn’t mean something is wrong with us. We need to advocate for ourselves as we would for somebody we love very much. As human beings, we are all interdependent and needing support is normal and not a sign of weakness. Making sure you are reconnecting with friends and family is an important part of self-care, health, and wellness.
Take your reentry process as slowly as you’d like
Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to reconnecting. Some people are very easy-going and others are more cautious and sensitive. It’s important to know and honor your own comfort level, Dr. Manly explains. Pushing yourself to move forward too quickly or too slowly causes unnecessary anxiety and stress.
Be honest
If you’ve had a hard time, tell your friends. If you’ve done better than most, tell them that, Dr. Saltz states. Trying to pretend to be other than you are in an effort to appear a certain way hurts the friendship. Friendships require authenticity and honestly to deepen and be meaningful. Friends support each other, but only if they know what’s actually going on.
Commit to a weekly club, class, or meeting of some kind
If you’re looking to make new friends post-pandemic, challenge yourself to chat with at least one or two new people each week. If you are limited to virtual connections, consider online support groups, watch parties, social gaming or connecting with friends and making new ones on social media apps for fitness such as Peloton, or business apps like LinkedIn. Join different groups, make posts and find like-minded people, Marter explains.
Connect in outdoor spaces as you transition
Given that research shows that the likelihood of COVID transmission is far lower outdoors, it’s often much less stressful to plan to reconnect events outside, says Dr. Manly. Whether you meet for a cup of coffee in the park, take a hike, or gather for a picnic, tension can be reduced by gathering in outdoor settings.
Listen
Friendship is a two-way street, they can support you, but they also need to be heard, understood, empathized with and supported, Dr. Saltz states. Being giving in this way to a friend is good for your mental health, too.
Identify who is in your support network and reach out to them regularly
Write down the names of the people or organizations that provide you with the following support: Emotional, familial, friendship, logistical (help with responsibilities at home or work), community and spiritual. Develop a plan to take initiative and proactively reach out to one or two of them every day. Do this in the way that feels most comfortable to you—by phone, text, social media, etc. You might consider sending them a card or a handwritten note expressing what they mean to you and your desire to get reconnected. Suggest getting together, in-person in a way that feels safe to you or online for a video call to catch up. When writing down your support network, identify areas of needed support and plant seeds for new relationships in these areas, Marter explains.
Remember that personal boundaries are important
True friends understand and honor each other’s needs even when they’re drastically different, Dr. Manly says. As you begin to reconnect with friends, have an open and honest discussion about issues such as anxiety triggers, expectations, and genuine acceptance of each other’s personal needs. Next, read 102 Expert-Backed Ways to Make Friends.
Sources
Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of the upcoming book, Date SmartGail Saltz, MD, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine"KKF: “The Implications of COVID-19 for Mental Health and Substance Use"Joyce Marter, LCPC, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life
