Accounting Jokes
1. Where do homeless accountants live? In tax shelters! 2. How do you know you have a good CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him. 3. What sort of sense of humor do accountants have? Self-depreciating. 4. What does the pessimistic accountant think? It’s accrual world. 5. Why are most accountants so goodlooking? They have great figures. 6. How do accountants manage their money? They act their wage. 7. What do accountants’ spouses say to fall asleep when they have insomnia? “Sweetie, tell me about your job.” 8. What do you call someone without enough personality to be an accountant? An economist. 9. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost. 10. Why are accounting departments the most welcoming? Because they know everyone counts. 11. How was copper wire invented? Two accountants were arguing over a penny. 12. What do accountants call their children? Deduction 214. 13. What’s an accountant’s favorite cereal brand? Post. 14. What does “CPA” stand for? “Can’t pass again.” 15. When do accountants fall over? When they lose their balance. 16. What does the cannibal CPA charge? An arm and a leg. 17. What does an accountant say when getting on a train? “Mind the GAAP.” 18. How does Santa Claus’ accountant value his sleigh? “Net present value.” 19. There are three types of accountants: Those who can coun’t and those who can’t. 20. Why was the accountant excited to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 59 weeks? Because the box said eight to 12 years. 21. Why are accountants always tired after work? Because their job is so taxing. 22. What is an actuary? An accountant without a sense of humor. 23. How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb? As many as it took last year. 24. What do accountants in the Army live by? Be audit you can be. 25. Why are accountants always so stoic? They have good internal controls. 26. How do know your child will be a CPA when they grow up? When you read them Cinderella and the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, they ask, “Is that ordinary income or capital gain?” 27. Accountants never see the glass as half-empty or half-full. They see the glass as twice as large as necessary! 28. Why did the CPAs divorce? They couldn’t reconcile their differences. 29. Why do accountants like dirty jokes? Because their sense of humor is accrued. 30. Why do accountants have great abs? Because they’re good at number crunching. 31. How do accountants pick their friends? They stick with assets and drop liabilities. 32. What do gymnasts and accountants have in common? They’re good at keeping their balance. 33. What do you call an accountant with strong opinions? An auditor. 34. What’s the difference between counting and accounting? Counting goes “one, two, three, four…” Accounting goes “ah-one, ah-two, ah-three, ah-four…” 35. Why are accountants aware of their mortality? They know their days are numbered. 36. Why do shady accountants make bad chefs? They try cooking the books. 37. Accountants aren’t opinionated, but they are always right.
Tax Jokes
- Why would you invest in a gas station that loses money to save on taxes? Because it’s self-serving.
- Why is pre-tax income nasty? Because it’s gross. 40. Which Avenger pays the least taxes? Spider-Man, because his income is all net. 41. Why are taxes like golf? Because you work hard on the green just to end up in the hole. 42. What are the three most common types of tax forms? Short, long, and surrender. 43. I tried paying my taxes with a smile … but they still demanded cash.
- What sort of taxes do marijuana dispensaries file? Joint returns.
- Why did the goose have a big tax refund? Because his bill was tax de-duck-table.
- How does Santa Claus list elves on his tax returns? As “dependent Clauses.”
- What sort of taxes do undertakers file? Pay as you urn. 48. What sort of taxes are there on trash bags? Hefty ones, and no one is Glad about it.
IRS Jokes
49. When you spell out “THE IRS,” it looks a lot like “THEIRS.” 50. Why did the IRS audit a chiropractor? Because he owed back taxes. 51. What do pelicans and the IRS have in common? They both have huge bills. 52. Why did the IRS audit the church? For reporting false profits. 53. What do the IRS and muggers have in common? Both want to take all of your money. 54. Why does the IRS hate Sherlock Holmes? Because he makes too many deductions. 55. What’s the difference between carp and the IRS? One is a bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. 56. Why won’t the IRS audit cows? Because farmers milk them dry. 57. What did the cat say after an IRS audit? “I’m paw!” 58. Why won’t skunks get audited? Because they only have one scent. Next, chuckle at these Tax Day memes.
